Coach in a Coarse Country

Old habits die hard they say, but with our great Board Of Cricket Control in India they never seem to die. The only thing other than money, the BCCI has plenty, is controversies. And it seems like their motto to generate new ones every few weeks. The latest of course is the sudden catapulting of former South African player Gary Kirsten as Team India Coach.

I have always felt that the role of the coach in the Indian team is quite murky. With so many prima donnas in the team, can we really expect anybody to listen to the poor guy. Greg bhai tried to impose his own Australian style but..... well that requires another post. In any case he walked away with truckloads of cash, free publicity and also got a job right here in India. Not bad for a failed coach.

Well then the BCCI, in true rambo style, started off on a global man-hunt for finding nothing less than the best coach available. Looking at Wright and Chappell's Bank statements it was not surprising that many applied. But comparing between candidates and shortlisting does not agree with the BCCI by-laws. Whats the fun without some confusion eh? So we got new candidates becoming favourites everyday only to be declared out of the race the next day. Special mention must be made of Dav Whatmore, The guy had coached Sri Lanka to the World Cup. Then he made a great job out of the fledgling Bangladeshi team and whose achievements included the rout of India from WC 2007. Obviously too good a choice for team India . Allegedly he was cut off the list for being too eager to join a group of highly talented players backed by the richest Board in the world! Wow! How could he! Next please.

Anyways, then came the man who equalled BCCI in back tracking. The former South African coach Graham Ford. The dude did have some credentials and he wasn't too eager to leave his last job. Perfect! BCCI offered him the job, a nice place to bunk and a salary to make us wonder why so many people in this country don't have basic sanitary facilities. Only one catch though -- he wasn't too eager to leave his last job. With business acumen to shame Ambanis and Tatas, the South African renegotiated his salary at his previous workplace, got a raise, stayed in his own country and escaped the brickbats he would have eventually suffered as Indian coach. Very slick. And a slap in the face of BCCI worthy of K-soaps.

The slap virtually knocked out BCCI cold for a few months and it did not dare to show its face on the coach finding scene again. Until last week of course. The newspapers screamed once more. BCCI was hiring. And every Tom, Dick and Hari applied. Of course the BCCI had improved now. It had learned from its past mistakes and was gonna have a clean transparent induction procedure for a good experienced coach. Yeah sure. So we got Gary Kirsten. A man who apparently hadn't even applied for the job and was not on the original list of prospects. His coaching experience, or rather the lack of it, is suspect. He cannot join the team until March 08 and apparently he holds our country very high among the backward nations of the world where 'there are more cows on road than cars'. Of course the BCCI had to choose him.

After his tour of India in 1997 he had made some very interesting observations about the overall traffic and hotel status of our country. Also he recommends that you have a very good sense of humour if you are going to tour India. Thank you for your kind suggestions Mr. Gary. I am sure the BCCI will forward them to the respective authorities. But may be we should not be talking about things you said ten years ago in the heat of your youth and career. There was no way you could have known that you were going to have to earn your pension here. Hopefully the BCCI will give you a nice car which you can gleefully wreck on our substandard roads.

Actually since the team is currently doing pretty well without a coach, I guess Mr. Kirsten need not worry much about coaching at all. May be he could use his tenure, however short or long, to research the cattle population of the country. The agriculture ministry could use it. Also it will be good material for his tell-all book at the end of his reign. It will be definitely be a laugh riot after he has fine tuned his sense of humour while coaching in India. I am sure John Wright and Greg Chappell will agree to be co-editors. Chappell will be especially co-operative since he has been a victim of racial abuse in this country. Sorry Chappell yaar! Hope a few lakh dollars, a house and a high paying job at a Rajasthan Cricket Academy is compensation enough.

Well buddy Gary, just in case your are going to make Mr. Chappell your role model just take a piece of advice from me -- always keep your fingers to yourself.

Rebirth

The Saints of Heaven marched to Him
Troubled they all did seem
With folded hands at His feet they lay
And the most pious among them stepped up to say:

"Oh Lord, spotted have we
An anomaly we would like you to see
Because as one shall sow, so will he reap
This balance you strive to keep"

"But the Courts of Earth are never just
The powerful are punished only if they must
In jails only petty criminals we see
While the rich sinners roam happy and free"

"Yet identically, both by You, are punished
And to the depths of Hell banished
But why should the petty suffer two times
When the rich have committed similar crimes?"

His face gladdened with a smile
And at His subjects he looked a while
Then his melodious voice filled the air
Full of love, affection and care

"Oh My children, valid are your concerns
By your thoughtfulness you have earned an explanation
The matter you put forth, I did not overlook
For long before Creation, did I moot"

"Yes the powerless sinners are punished twice
And on earth the influential escape with vice
Both to the Dungeons of Nether are fed
But for the latter more punishment lies ahead"

"Since the petty have suffered on Earth in their life past
Hence on Earth, the rich will suffer when they are recast
Equally the powerful shall pay for the caused grief and harm
Hear My Children: As Engineers they shall be Reborn"

:-)

Ironies for an Engineer

In the time of Cholera Gabriel Garcia Marquez found Love
In the time of Exams I found this:


Would we cherish life without fearing death?
Would we know love without vengenceful hate?

Would shade be comforting if the Sun came seldom?
Would we enjoy if there was no boredom?

Could we be happy without knowing sorrow?
Could we lend without someone to borrow?

Can we know success without taste of defeat?
Can we value trust without facing deceit?

But everything in life has an exception.
Because we would have definitely loved passing without examination

:-)

Ringing In Of The New Times

Essence of the World is Change
Nothing forever remains the same

The good turns to bad, the bad turns to good
Changes the seasons changes the mood

Love turns to hate, Joy turns to sorrow
But a new day will rise tomorrow

The changing tides you and I must endure
Because the quirks of fate we cannot cure

So as the dolphin emerges and the puppy goes to slumber
The Point is: I got new cell number

:-)



This little poem marked the end of my tryst with Hutch (now Vodafone). After about 4-5 months of exploitation by the over-hyped service provider, I finally decided to ditch Hutch (now Vodafone) and turned to the alternative that my mother had unsuccessfully insisted on right from the start, the good old Governmental Dolphin.
Well, some of you might think I am a cheap person to switch from the international Hutch (now Vodafone) to apna-gavthi Dolphin. But with 50ps SMS, 90ps Dolphin-to-Dolphin calls, great GPRS connectivity (if you win the battle to get it activated) and practically no hidden costs, I don't care what you think!
Also there were some concerns whether I had actually written this poem and not just plagiarized from material I encountered on my endless sojourns in CyberSpace. One particular person (code name AS) all but made me swear on the Bhagvad Gita that I had written it. Be assured that this comes 100% from my brain. But it made me particularly smug that at least two other persons used this piece of literature to announce to the world their denouncement of old Cellphone numbers.

I am thinking of charging royalty now.