Adventures of the Common "Middle" Man - Part I

"Theek bhav bolna, bhai"

"Theek hi bol raha hoon, saab", said the man mechanically. He was standing in his shop which was raised slightly above the road to avoid the rain water flooding in. That gave him a good psychological advantage in height, as I had to look up to talk to him.

"Par baki sab ko 9 diya, abhi tumko 12 kaise denge?", I put in the expected reply.

"Hum thodi bol rahe hain, jo rate Saab ne bola woh hum aapko bol rahe hain."

"Theek hain, toh Saab ko bolo ki against mein vote kar do yeh baar. Bye Bye." I turned away apparently to go.

"Arre ruko saab, hum baat karte hain Saab se. Shayad 10 mein man jaye......."

"9 peti matlab 9 peti.", My vodafone was continuously ringing, the vibrations distracting me. I wanted to get this over with quickly.

"Hume bhi ghar chalana hain saab. Hamare Saab ko unke gyara ghar chalane hain....."

"Tumhara commision iske upar denge", He was no match for me, height advantage notwithstanding.

"Abhi aap maan hi nahi rahe toh kya kahe hum bhi..... Theek hain."

Game, Set and Match to Me. Who is Me? Well, I am the Common Middle Man. I am exactly like your quintessential common man, except that I talk a lot and do some work. Like R.K Laxman's Common man, I listen to plotting politicians and their brazen remarks. Only, sometimes I intervene to add some of my own. I facilitate the smooth working of the governance juggernaut. Without me the under-the-table dealings of the Nation would as inefficient as the legal ones. In short my job description is doing the dirty work for people who do dirty work. I am not the only one of course. There's an whole organization of us. And believe me, we are in demand.

The man I was dealing with was a fellow CMM. But one employed privately and of course, nowhere as good as us. But he did his job. The deal was done and another number added to the tally. I didn't know what the exact tally was though. Yesterday night, I managed a peak at the figures and the Government looked set to topple. But in the morning, some more purse strings and portfolios were loosened and the gap closed. But the opposition wasn't far behind. The calls came in incessantly from both sides. Ah, that's another aspect of my job. I and my organisation work for any side. It helps to keep the conscience clean.

My vodafone was still ringing. I finally got away from the noise of the bazaar into a corner and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Main Sabu bol raha hoon.", the serious, gruff voice answered.

"Yes Mr. Sabu. How are you? Kaise hain Chi Chi sir."

"Sab accha hain, aap ki kripa se. Tum toh busy rahoge na? Arre suno, tumhe 22nd ko date to diya hain par woh postpone karo na."

"What?"

"Arre usi din raat ko ek stage show hain, Chi Chi sir ka. Schedule bahut tight ho jayega."

"Sir, that day there is a vote to decide whether the government stands or falls, held due to the no confidence motion tabled by the opposition. The date has been set by the Parliament and all MPs have to be present."

"Yes, I know baba. Par abhi time nahi hain toh kya kare?"

I spent the next half an hour trying to explain that such an event cannot be postponed for any one MP (even if he's the star of the event). Finally I changed tack a bit.

"Sabu sir, this is a live telecast. It will be shown dedicatedly on atleast two government Free-To-Air channels plus all the news channels in existence."

"Hmmmm, aisa hain kya. Ruk sir se baat karta hoon."

The phone went silent for a minute. When the line was resumed, a highly energetic voice spoke.

"Hello!"

"Hello Chi Chi sir. How are you?"

"Arre yeh postpone karne ka koi chance nahi hain kya?"

"No sir."

"Ok theek hain. 6.30 ko hain na vote. Ok. Main aata hoon woh time ke aas paas. Sirf jara set tayaar rakhna please. Main aunga aur shot.....err sorry.....vote deke nikal jaunga."

"Okay sir, jaisi apki marzi.", I sighed.

"Haan aur Sabu ko sab address wagaira de ke rakha hain na?"

"Sir, parliament mein hi hain vote."

"Haan par Agra kabhi aya nahi hoon na mein. Udhar aake rasta na chuk jau!."

"Sir, Parliament Dilli mein hain."

A moment's silence.

"Haan, haan, woh sab details tum aur Sabu dekh lo. Ok? Chalo bye."



........................................................................................To Be Continued